Searching for Faerie, Finding Me | Some Ideas Stay. Some Don’t.

When I first began imagining the painted Dream Edition of Searching for Faerie, Finding Me, I approached it very differently from how I do now. In the beginning, I became deeply drawn to intricate decorative patterns — swirling curls, flourishes, and delicate curliques woven into nearly every page and painting. At the time, I believed that style represented who I was artistically. I thought the work needed to look elaborate and uniquely “me.” Looking back now, I realize I was not only painting the story. I was also trying to paint an identity.

There was something deeply beautiful about that approach. Even now, I still genuinely love those earlier pieces. The curliques carried a dynamic, almost modern atmosphere that felt so unique yet dreamy. They transformed simple scenes into intricate worlds filled with movement and detail. In many ways, they captured a softer side of my imagination that I still treasure. But eventually, reality began quietly entering the room. Every flourish took time. Every decorative curve multiplied the hours needed to complete a single canvas. What initially felt magical slowly became overwhelming as I realized the scale of what I had committed to: forty-one painted canvasses, each requiring extraordinary patience. I began noticing that I could spend an entire weekend working and still feel as though almost nothing had been completed. Instead of feeling energized by progress, I sometimes felt trapped inside endless refinement. That realization made me confront something difficult: not every beautiful idea belongs in every season of life.

For a while, I resisted letting go of that original style because I worried simplifying the work somehow meant losing part of myself. Yet over time, I began understanding that creative growth is not always about adding more. Sometimes it is about recognizing what can realistically be carried forward without exhausting the joy that made the project of Searching for Faerie, Finding Me meaningful in the first place. So I pivoted. Not because I stopped loving the curlique style, but because I understood that right now is not its season. That artistic style still belongs to me, and I fully believe I will revisit it someday when life allows me to immerse myself in highly detailed decorative work again. Some creative ideas are not abandoned forever. They are simply waiting patiently for their proper time to bloom. I honor that work by featuring it here with a gentle whispered promise - "I will be back for you":

Right now, however, my greatest need is not endless revision. It is completion. I need to feel the accomplishment of finishing something fully and honestly. I need to see Searching for Faerie, Finding Me move into its next stage rather than remain suspended indefinitely inside perfectionism and endless redesigns. And because of that, my focus has shifted toward completing the second edition.

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Most weekends, after long workweeks, I spend my free hours quietly playing with paint, refining layouts, reviewing text, adjusting imagery, and slowly shaping the updated version into something stronger and clearer. The painted Final Dream Edition still exists beside me, canvas by canvas, but I have intentionally placed it secondary for now so I can pour my energy into fully completing the second edition of Searching for Faerie, Finding Me first. Then, once that chapter is finally complete, I can return to the painted Final Edition wholeheartedly — without division, hesitation, or distraction — and go full blast into the dream version I always imagined from the beginning. The first edition is still available but will soon be replaced by the second edition.

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